I (you) am Ashamed Of Who I Am

By An Ode to Creativity Blog - January 04, 2021


I (you) am Ashamed Of Who I Am

I am ashamed
 to walk around with 
these clothes called skin 
that drape over my bones 
3 sizes too big.

I am ashamed
 to play metal music
 for people because
“it’s doesn’t suit me” 
they say now music is cramped 
within headphones 
never to reach public ears.

I am ashamed 
of not turning in 
 homework on time 
because today was like 
walking through a lake. Body
half submerged in icicle 
water and weeds tied 
themselves around my legs 
tugging me to the bottom 
and I just needed some space.

I am ashamed 
of not being good enough 
like the words 
that float out of people’s mouths 
are law and I must obey, but 
I can’t because it strips my bones 
leaving only skin to walk.

I am ashamed 
of eating out because 
this world is full of stereotypical people 
who’s minds takes a leap of faith and 
now I am crammed  into a category.

I am ashamed 
to ask for help. Someone 
reached down my throat, 
nails scraping tissue 
because they wanted
 to leave marks. 
My voice was stripped.  

I am ashamed
 of not leaving my room,
 but these four walls to others 
are prison bars, but to me 
is holy ground,
 the internet is my holy book.

 I am ashamed 
to buy more books 
then I can read in a month, 
because why waste money
 on things you like.

I am ashamed 
of doing a paper route 
because an old toxic friend
 once said it was a child’s job. 
They wanted a real job, but
how do I get a “real job” 
when I know my dear friend stress 
will come and pull the trigger for me.

I wrote this list for
 the people who don’t understand 
the value their words have done 
to my collapsing structure of a mind. 
I won’t be ashamed anymore of the life
I live because it isn’t ordinary 
that gets you places
it’s being extraordinary that does. 

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